Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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