You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
