do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
