better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
