You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
