I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
