Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
