how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
whose parrot is this?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
