I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
