Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
