im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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