come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found puke in my bra..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
