my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
