Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
