I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Damn victory sex feels great
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
