I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize