he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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