i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
