im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize