god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
