Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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