Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
