I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
