Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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