ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
