I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
