This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
