this just has baby written all over it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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