I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
