Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
