my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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