i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
