I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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