She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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