so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
