Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
