I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
