everyone is single if you try hard enough
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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