We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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