im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
