when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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