I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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