yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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