mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
