You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
