We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
