WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
