I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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