Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
