Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
