Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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