i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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