i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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