Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
