omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
