Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
