So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and she was petting her beer can
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
