I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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