Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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