i barfeds in our rink
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
