Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
