I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
