Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
