Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize