he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
