i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
